Merry Christmas

 Me last year (2013)

So, I don't know if I just have a lot to say or just have a lot to think. But it is at this time, that I remember exactly what I was doing and what was going on in my life a year ago.
A year ago, I thought I was the happiest I could be. I was in a relationship I had waited to be in since Sophomore year, and had been in said relationship for a year. I had my dad, my mom and a wonderful friend base. I was trying to fit into my (at that time) boyfriend's families by showing up to all the dinners.  No seriously, I think I had more Christmas dinners last year that I have in my life! It was crazy. Anyway... I was in school and had just started my great job at Pier 1. My (at that time) boyfriend and I had started talking about moving in together...
and then there's now. I lived with that boyfriend, and as most know now, it didn't work out. We broke up after being together for two years and one month. Now, we don't even speak when he used to be one of my best friends, even before we dated.

I'm still at Pier 1 and love every second of it, though I seem to complain a lot, but if I let on to how much I love it there.... who knows what would happen. I got truck lead, which might not mean much, but it means the world to me. 

I have an awesome boyfriend, though the relationship is still super new, I can say that he makes me smile way more than I'm used to and it's great. We have just as much fun and smiles staying in and relaxing as we do going out to movie or food. We're both going through a lot right now, and I don't know about him, but it feels better knowing that I have someone there to talk to or not talk to and just have my world be okay for a little bit.

I'm currently taking a break from school, but I'm working on transferring so I'm hoping that will be a positive move forward as well.
I've made a lot of new, life long friends and let go of some negative people from my past. I've mended some relationships, and cut ties with others. All in all, the biggest thing I've seen is my how much my confidence has increased in the last few months. 

In the middle of this last year, I got diagnosed with high anxiety and acute depression. I was scared to death. That's stuff that I study, I know it can be a lifetime thing, or can last as short as a few days. Though I still suffer from both, my episodes are few and far between. I went from never wanting to get out of bed, to enjoying being around people again. I've seen such a huge growth in myself in the last year, and I didn't realize that until tonight. 

I've taken back control of my life and have refocused on what my true goals are rather than basing them off of others' fears, wants and needs. 

I have a trip to Vegas starting to be planned, and am so excited to go back. 

My mom was gracious enough to let me stay in the house for this last year, while I got back on my feet, and when she brought up me moving, I freaked out because I felt uncomfortable and like I couldn't do it. But as I look around, I know I can. I'm back on my feet, and my mom sees that, and that's something for her and I to be proud of. She raised a very strong daughter and I'm so thankful that she did.
My parents and I have gotten closer over this last year as well. My mom and I have had our times but I stopped having the "running away" feeling and my dad and I talk every week rather than talking, fighting and not talking for months at a time.

So, for this Christmas, I would say that I'm thankful for all the stepping stones I've taken, all the wrong turns I've turned, all the signs that I missed and best yet... the fact that I've overcome most of them and have become who I am now. I couldn't have done it without any of you, and trust me, I'm thankful. 

Me this year (2014)

Now, I'm going to stop being sappy, finish baking my chocolate chip cookies for Santa and then go to bed.
Merry Christmas, everyone. Rather than concentrating on the negative, notice the positive, at least for today.
My mom always had me wiggle my pinky finger, and asked if that hurt.... since it never did naturally (unless I had previously sprained it) she would say "then it's going to be a good day" and the funny thing, it is just that easy. Choose to have a wonderful day today, consider it a Christmas gift to me, if you must.
Happy holidays. :)











 And the biggest change this year, I went from having one tattoo to two, plus got my butterfly colored in!!

Happy Thanksgiving

So this year I've been thankful for a lot, I've had a lot thrown my way so the biggest thing I'm thankful for is weirdly how much I got knocked down this last year. I've grown in myself and have realized how strong I truly am.
 I'm thankful that I have an amazing family and my awesome friends. I really don't know what I'd do without any of them.
 I'm thankful for my jobs, even though I know they kick my butt.
I'm thankful for my rather amazing boyfriend, he's made me smile and laugh more in the past month than I have in a while.
I'm thankful for my ex, he helped me realize what I really want in life.
I'm thankful for my mom and dad, they've put up with so much and yet are always there for me through thick and thin.
I'm very thankful, oddly enough, for my diagnosis of depression and anxiety, its reminded me to find happiness within myself rather than others and to find happiness in the smallest things possible.

With all the ups and downs in life, I sometimes forget to be thankful. I try my hardest to make sure people know I appreciate them and that I appreciate their help, but I'll admit first hand that it isn't always my top priority.
We need to be thankful all year round and not just on one day. I try every day to find at least one thing that I was thankful for that day, even if it was just that I got through it.

Whoa

I can't believe Zach and I have been together for a month, as of yesterday, already. Its strange to actually be happy with someone and not be straining myself for the attention.
He fits in so naturally in my life (both of my parents already love him, my dad invited him to play in church sometime and they played guitar together last weekend) and thought that scares me and makes me nervous... I'm not putting my walls up. As much as I want to. The few I've put up, he's torn them straight back down before the concrete could set.
He claims to be such a terrible person, but I just can't see it. We all have our dark sides and I know his is pretty dark, but maybe I've been around so many dark-spirited people where I can't see that same negative energy or light from Zach.
There are still times where I miss certain things in Gabe, but I have to remember that Gabe and I had been in each other's lives for six or seven years. Four or five before we were dating and two together.
Zach is a whole new person to get used to, and I'm a different person with him than I was with Gabe. Its a transition in my life and I need to accept that and work hard on it.
Gabe is and always will be a huge part of my life, though we aren't talking right now. But Zach is a new part of my life story and its a chapter I haven't read yet. I'm terrified but I'm happy.

Let me explain....

So, again, I've been MIA but it seems like this will explain a bit of why:

oh jeez, where to start... I guess from the beginning, best way to say it is to just come out with it, right? Well, Gabe and I broke up about three weeks ago now.
I expected to be totally torn and broken upon this happening, but I think mentally and emotionally Gabe and I broke up a long time ago. I feel like I've already gone through the break up feelings. If I were to be totally honest, I'd say I've felt like we broke up back in July. I was just so desperate to not lose him and to make it work that I did everything I could to make it last. Needless to say, it wasn't healthy for either of us.
But I'm okay.
The part that hurts is that he didn't even fight for me. The exact opposite actually. He started lies and rumors about me, and who knows how many people he spread them to, or even how long he has been doing it. I found out because my wonderful roommates filled me in.
I'm so thankful to have them and know that we all got each other's backs.
Its sad to say, but I'm happier without Gabe being around. I loved him with all of my heart, I truly did, but I'm not noticing the huge red flags that were screaming that we never would have lasted that dream "forever". And after all that he's done since we broke up, I'm wondering if he ever really, honestly and truly cared for me or if I as just convenient. It sucks to question that, but I am.
Since he's moved out, there's music playing in my house again and I'm able to breathe without feeling suffocated. I'm not sick as much and I'm not as reliant on my depression medications as I was.
I know it seems fast, but please remember how long Gabe and I have been distant: I have started seeing another guy, his name is Zach. He has really shown me how I deserve to be treated. He brings me flowers all the time and constantly tells me I'm pretty. He holds me tight and there's a look in his eyes that I never saw in Gabe's. I'm not moving too fast after two years with Gabe... I'm moving on with my life. Gabe helped me learn a lot, and I really needed that. But now, I need someone who lets me be me and helps me rather than tears me down.

I think I have that now in Zach, but I'm not jumping into anything. I will always love Gabe, and he has been a huge part of my life, but I guess it was just time to move on.

Things get interesting

Hey there,
sorry I've been kind of MIA on the personal level blogs and have only been posting school stuff. My life seems to like to explode.
I had a lot of drama happen between my friend, her family and things... I can't really talk about it yet, but I'll update when I can.
Then school drama started because of computer error so ya know, that majorly sucked. But luckily it all got worked out (hence all the awesome papers I've been updating with).
 So far I'm doing really well in my class, and I'm stoked to almost be done.
Work is the same, haha, not really. One of my coworkers started a whole bunch of rumors that corp. has to take seriously so now everyone is walking on egg shells and super stressed out. It has become rigid and cold at work, which sucks. All due to one immature child. Grrrr.... also my hours have been varying so much that I went and started to apply for a second job, and sounds like I might have one at Sears. Phew that should help.
As for me personally, my anxiety and depression is better though I still have hard days. I kind of figure it will continue to be like that, so I just breathe through it.



I'll update more later this week when I'm not about to fall asleep on my laptop.


Love to you all, and best wishes.

DUI paper for school

Driving Under The Influence

"It is said that we will always remember the smells, noises and sight of our first car crash. Lucky for me, I got knocked out during mine. Odd to say, "lucky me" when it comes to getting close to a concussion, I know. But I'm happy that I don't have the memory of the sound of the two cars hitting. Something I do remember is the police checking to see if I was under the influence of anything: drugs, alcohol or even simply tired.

Again, luckily I was not under the influence of anything nor was the lady at fault. Unlike me, there are a lot of people who are affected by the consequences of people driving under in the influence, whether it be them, or someone else. Back in 2012 355,322 people were affected by drunk driving, with 10,322 people of those being killed and 345,000 of them being injured. Each death and injury is just another person to us until they are our family, friends, classmates and coworkers - then it becomes real, too real.

The harsh reality comes in from the fact that a lot of these injured or deceased people are teens, with car crashes - in general - being the number one killer of teens in the United States, its hard to factor in the account of underage drinking. The statistic shows that around eight teens die every day in driving under the influence car crashes, whether they are the drivers or the victims. Back in 2005, 7420 teens died or got seriously injured in these crashes. (Teen)

To throw a few more numbers in, lets talk about an every day thing: on average every 53 minutes someone is killed in a drunk driving crash. What is hard to believe is that about one-third of these drunk driving problems come from repeat offenders. 50 to 75 percent of these repeat offenders are people who have even had their licenses revoked. So, the biggest question is how can we stop the drunk drivers from driving and risking not only their lives, their passengers' lives (if there are any) and also, every other person who is out and about that day. The only thing that has been proven to work is an ignition interlock.

An ignition interlock is a small device - picture your normal cellphone size - that is put into a car and is wired to the car's ignition system. The driver of the car must blow into the device, as if they were taking a breathalyzer test. If the driver has a measurable blood alcohol level in their system at that time, the car will not start. These devices have been seen to drop deaths from drunk driving by more than 30 percent in Oregon, Arizona, Louisiana and New Mexico. With only 25 states requiring these systems to be put into all offender's vehicles, I'm excited to see the percent in deaths go down as the number of states goes up. (Drunk)

I chose this topic because it hits home for me. Though I have never been part of a crash that involved any driver being under the influence, I have been affected by one. In 2011 I got a phone call that no one ever wants to get, my boyfriend had been in a car wreck. His car was found rolled over in a ditch. He was found a few feet away. His seat belt had snapped and he flew out of the windshield. He was dead. On the other side of the road was the truck that had hit his, the driver still inside, passed out, but still breathing. Once he was in the hospital, his tests came back positive for a blood alcohol level that was through the roof. It was because of this guy deciding he was okay to drive that I lost a person who was soon to be my fiance. No one wants to be in the position I was in, and I would never wish that heartbreaking phone call on anybody. But it is due to the empathy that I feel as to why I feel I am a key person for this cause. I know what its like to be on the other side of the phone.

I know that there are always arguments of people knowing their limits when it comes to if they are safe to drive after going out for a drink that quickly turned into two and then three and so on and so forth. I want to know, how. How do these people know that "oh, well I've had three vodka martinis but since I can still walk, I can drive". From my knowledge, there is no proven way to know without a breath test or knowing your alcohol level. The safest bet is to always have a designated driver or have money for a cab. Planning ahead when you know there is going to be alcohol is the one way to know that people are going to be safe.

But still, how do we know if we are "sober enough" to drive, well if you're asking the question, then chances are you're not. Yes, people can give themselves the walking a straight line test, but for some people it isn't that hard to simply put one foot in front of the other so the question will honestly never be solved. It is all personal judgment and the judgment of those around you. The harsh reality is that on average, a person has driven drunk eighty times before they are arrested the first time. Big number isn't it? But with knowing how many people are killed every hour due to people driving under the influence, the number seems to shrink. If that person was able to drive eighty times, then it seems obvious that they did it safely, right? I mean, they made it from point A to point B without drawing any attention to themselves, so they must not have been that drunk.

What is "that drunk" though. One beer? Two, three, four beers? Again, there is no way of telling since everyone handles alcohol differently. So it is on us to take responsibility for ourselves and everyone around us. Do you want to risk one of those eighty times after three beers, and that one time getting in a wreck where a person was killed. Imagine if it was your friend, or a teen driving the other car. Now that eighty seems like a smaller number, right?

Now think of that deceased person's family. What do they have? They just lost their child, sibling, cousin... their blood. Luckily there are organizations like MADD - Mothers Against Drunk Driving - that do offer support and services to victims and their families. MADD helps one person ever 8.6 minutes. That is one person who is a victim of a crash of someone under the influence whether it be drunk driving, underage drinking or drugged driving. Now that eighty might as well be one. It only takes one crash to destroy a group of people's lives. A car crash - not even just one from drunk driving - hurts not only those physically involved but the families, friends and other loved ones as well. Only one, not eighty.

I chose this topic because no matter how you swing it, there is no excuse for driving under the influence. There are always people to call, public transportation or simply choosing who will be the designated driver for the night so that way you know that you can do your best in making sure everyone gets home safe."  

Obedience paper for school

Obedience

" In the beginning, I thought that Stanley Milgram's  (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCVlI-_4GZQ) experiment was torture - just like I'm sure a lot of people assume, being shocked with high voltage would seem to kill a man in a seemingly heartless way. Then when I got to the point of the video where it mentioned that it was all in the person's mind and that they weren't actually being shocked, I was amazed how a person's brain can trigger them to think they were being shocked all because they were told as such. To have such an influence over someone to where they actually think that they are being shocked at such high voltages to where they think they are actually in pain.

It seems that the presence of an authority figure puts such a pressure on people that they either mess up because they are concentrating more on the authority rather than their task at hand. On the other side, there seem to be other people who perform better under a watchful eye, so it all depends on how the individual performs under stress. Either way, having that figure present seems to influence people to behave - in an obedience sense - better since they do know they are being watched and could get in trouble or in the video's case "shocked".

When I think of authority figures in every day life, four different people come into my mind: police, teachers, bosses and parents. What's funny is to each it seems that they have a different affect on people and obedience. Maybe because they're in different environments or maybe because each holds a different form of being an authority figure.

Police get both sides of the spectrum when it comes to how others obeying them. They get some people who obey and listen better when there is a cop around, maybe for fear of going to jail or getting a ticket or maybe out of sheer respect for someone with a badge. But of course, there are criminals. There are always those people who try to run, spit on or fight the police and then usually attempt to run. In general though, it seems that the majority of people do obey most laws and listen, as well as respect, police.

As for teachers, they also get both hands dealt to them. I'd almost put teachers and parents in the same boat when it comes to obedience in people towards authority figures. There's the kids who do well and seem to never get in trouble in school or at home, then there's the "rebellious" group who seems to always be in trouble and are frequent visitors to the principal or the term grounded.

I think bosses are really the only ones I see where they have an affect on obedience because it seems, especially in my town, people struggle so much to get a job that they wont do anything to risk losing that job once they get it. So, they do every task and obey every rule that their boss gives them. I am even guilty of this. People might still talk negatively behind their boss' back, but to their face they try to be on their best behavior.

In general, I feel that people think that being a person of authority means that they are higher on the totem pole and closer to being "top dog". I feel that a lot of people go against their own personal ethics because they think that this person has something to offer them. Whether it be getting out of a speeding ticket, getting an A on a test or getting a raise, it does come off that the authority always has something to offer."

Personality Theories paper for school

Personality Theories

"When looking at different theories and theorists, especially when it comes to human behavior you see different groups and studies that they are separated in by their study. The theorists that we are talking about is Sigmund Freud, Carl Jung, Carl Rogers and Abraham Maslow. Freud and Jung are both psychoanalytic while Rogers and Maslow are both Humanistic.

Humanistic is a study that more concentrates on the value of human beings, both individually and collectively. Usually humanistic studies focus on critical thinking, evidence, established doctrine and faith. Psychoanalysis is when the psychiatrists helps a patient discover and confront the causes of their illness. This method of treating illnesses started with Sigmund Freud, well at least it was the most heard of and dominate from early in the twentieth century.

Sigmund Freud considered that the primary source of motivation, especially for males, is sexual impulses. These impulses are usually seen as being unconscious, and help direct an individual's thinking and behavior. Freud's view of sexual motivation became a hot topic since there are so many ways for a person to be sexually motivated. Either by intimacy or straight out physically. A man is more likely to clean the kitchen if his woman is willing to do something in return. Freud's theory was based of off instinct, emphasized off of interpersonal relations and self assertiveness.

Carl Jung disagrees on the emphasis that Freud puts on the role and importance of sex on a person's personality development. Jung thought that attention importance for motivation should be more focused on religious, aesthetic - their appearance - and other basic needs. Jung also started to include the different concepts and differences of people who are introverts, extroverts and archetypes. With this, Jung was the start of the modern day existentialism. Jung was more of the opinion that the cosmic order and history of the human race is the most important part of the human mind. He used dreams as his example. Jung's study contained archetypes, which are manifested symbols that appear in dreams, disturbed states of mind and are different products of different cultures.

Carl Rogers, said to be the father of client centered therapy. This means that Rogers likes to have nondirect sessions and reflect on the responses rather than making it vague. Making his sessions more focused on the individual client made him feel like there was a more atmosphere of acceptance for his clients. With this environment, Rogers felt that it allowed his clients to get more in touch with the resources and knowledge within himself (Rogers) for successfully dealing with life and his client's own development self esteem. Having that one on one time and feeling to the sessions gave the clients the ability to develop their individuality and learn more about themselves rather than just having their questions answered in a scientific based way.

Abraham Maslow, the popular hierarchy of needs. Maslow liked to focus on the individual and the thought of self actualization. Maslow thought that humans are basically good in nature and within themselves need to develop their own full potential all while staying true to themselves. Maslow's hierarchy of needs includes both physiological and psychological levels of a person's daily needs. The physiological were the more primary in his thinking and theory of his creation of the hierarchy of needs. These needs are a daily thing, rather than what a person should focus on for their life. A person should focus on accomplishing each tear of the popular ladder or triangle that is often used to show the hierarchy of needs. The pyramid has the largest, most fundamental level of needs at the bottom and the need for self actualization at the top.

The first tear is physiological, this is the basic human needs such as breathing, food, water, sleep, sex and exercise. The second tear is safety. The need of employment, feeling that your body is safe, having family, healthy, morality and a roof over your head. Middle tear is love and belonging. The basic human need of friendship, family and intimacy. Then goes esteem. Having self esteem, confidence, achievement, respect of others and respect by others. The top tear is self actualization. This tear is often the hardest for people to accomplish. This is the human need of morality, creativity, spontaneity, problem solving and the acceptance of facts.

Though each of the above theorists contributed greatly to the study of personality traits. It is easy to see that each one is different from the other. Freud focuses on physical motivation, Jung believes more in the state of dreams, Rogers focuses on self worth and development of self esteem then Maslow focuses on individual needs on a day to day basis.

Personally, I agree more with Maslow's theory in that everyone is an individual and needs to focus more on their own individual needs versus focusing on the human race as a whole and putting them as groups and categories rather than individualizing them as people. Having something to aim towards day to day and over a life time is a very realistic motivation and though the hierarchy of needs is in a vague set up, each stage can mean something different to each individual. For example, safety to me means that I'm in no way shape or form going to be in a situation that my life or health is on the line. To others, it might simply mean having a roof over their head and money in their pockets. But in the hierarchy of needs, your just supposed to successfully feel safe. A vague theory can almost be the best because each person can take it on as they see fit and as it fits them, where having something just pin pointed, such as Freud's theory of sexual motivation, doesn't work for everyone because there are people who don't enjoy sex or even to be touched.

Either way, each theorist contributed greatly to the study of personality development and self individual growth and development. Each in their own way but still working with each other. Maslow's pyramid does include human sexual need from Freud, and self worth from Rogers. Though they are each different, they are each working together and including similar aspects of the study of personality and motivation in human beings as individuals and as a group."  

Prejudice paper for school

Prejudice

"Society and prejudicial attitudes seem to run hand in hand, though we usually hear it as people stereotyping or discriminating. It seems that a lot of people's opinions depend on where and how they grew up, as if their environment alters their feelings, thinking and behavior.

As an example, I grew up in very discriminative town especially towards racial differences. When there was the first black teacher at my high school. parents wouldn't even go up to talk to him and kids were dropping out of the class he took. Then when he came out as being bisexual, even more kids dropped and some parents had their children switch classes or schools. All of this because of what they had been taught, and now those kids are being taught the same thing.

For me, my personal identity is also how I grew up, but I saw how people around me were treating anyone who was different, so though I was taught that "different" was bad, I didn't like seeing the negative effect on the "victims". Just because someone is different doesn't make them less of a human. And that personal opinion has caused me to be different than how I grew up, I am very accepting of others. Though for personal identity in others, I see where it is a lot of how they are raised. If you are taught to fear or judge people who are different than yourself, then it is going to be hard to change that opinion.

Fear, negativity and looking for something to judge others off of. That is what is learned and taught generation to generation. These emotions and behaviors just keep the prejudicial attitudes going strong. It only takes one person in a large group to be an influence over everyone else. If one person yells a racial slur, then chances are others will start up and join as well.

It is hard to change something that you've learned or have lived with your entire life, but it is possible. To not fear and to be educated, each person is different and there is no point in treating others different than how you personally want to be treated."  

Case Study paper for school

Case Study

"Group think is when a person discourages creativity or individual responsibility by making decisions for the group. A few examples of it that are shown in our Appendix B is when Tom, Susie and Richard plan the paper into sections without Mark and Betty. To further on that one, the second example is that they already indicated what the different sections should include. Third example is that they also chose who should write each section. Then again when Mark and Betty bring up that the citations are required but the rest of the group turns them down.

A few things that I would have done is bring up that I'm a new insight to the paper and that I can do a lot more than what they had "assigned" me to do. As a group, though, it is important to remember that you're a team. Everyone needs to work together, and just because you might have worked with people previously doesn't mean that someone doesn't know that section better. Making plans as a team can really help. Also, in this case a reason why the team got a lower grade is because people weren't being listened to. If everyone had listened to Mark and Betty, they would have included the citations that were needed in each section, and they would have gotten a higher grade since that's the only reason they got a low grade.

If Mark and Betty had grouped together and listened to each other, they could have made their sections of the paper proper and the teacher would have been bound to notice that only two people followed the syllabus as it was supposed to be. Asserting yourself and following what you know can be the best way to go, even if it means going against the group's decision."  

Eating Disorders paper for school

Eating Disorders

"We all know that embarrassing and loud growl that our stomach makes when we're hungry, the one that gets louder the more we try to conceal it. Where does that come from? Well, obviously our stomach but why?

What causes hunger, other than the obvious thought of it being that we haven't eaten in awhile. Walter Cannon and A. L Washburn decided to do an experiment to find out exactly what causes hunger and what signals us to feel hunger. Washburn swallowed a balloon and Cannon was able to track the movements of his partners stomach. This showed that our hunger starts when our stomach is empty, so when the balloon was small in Washburn's stomach. But with this, they also found that there are many factors into hunger, the biggest one being the brain signals that tracks hunger and thirst. (Coon)

There are also external factors on our hunger. Seeing the McDonalds golden arches automatically make me want a large sweet tea and their salty fries. Having food be visible, plus easy to get makes it even easier to follow our cravings from our taste buds versus eating or drinking what our body needs. Then there is the fact that a lot of people are emotional eaters, me being one.

Emotional eating can be a good thing and a bade thing. It can cause different eating disorders to form, such as anorexia and obesity which are on two opposite sides of the spectrum. Its really hard in society on both males and females having these skinny and fit celebrities everywhere we look. We want to look like that. This can causes a lot of people to become anorexic due to not liking their own bodies. On the other side, some people eat their emotions, and find comfort in a snack when they are feeling stressed.

Our bodies are ours, and ours to take care of. With this, I'm not sure if it is extrinsic motivation or intrinsic motivation that eating disorders fall into since I could see how it is both. It could be extrinsic because the goal is to look like a supermodel but it could be intrinsic because its gets your own body to what you want.

Either way, the same goes for having a healthy diet. Its a choice and its better on our bodies if we take care of them. Our goals are to be healthy, and have the muscle tone and that isn't going to be accomplished by forming an eating disorder, no matter what the goal is."  

Careers in Psychology paper for school

Careers in Psychology

"For me personally, child and adolescent psychology, a family therapist or a sports psychologist. I love each of these fields for different reasons. I am interested in child or family psychology because I came from what people would call a "broken" family, I've seen abuse and I've lived moving house to house and I know how that can affect kids and everyone in the family. If I could help someone get through what I've been through, that would be a dream come true. Then sports psychology comes in because through all that I went through, one thing helped me express how I was feeling and gave me a place to release what I was holding on to: dance class. I love dance and would love to help others by getting them into an activity, such as dance, so that they can have an outlet and a place they can be free without fear or stress.

For my ultimate dream job, it would be the sports psychology which is also referred to as performance psychology. This is the person that helps individual players and teams realize their potential and helps them get through frustrating times. I would more used it as a relaxation exercise and as visualization techniques for people, rather than just athletes. As I said, sometimes the best therapy is having somewhere to go without judgment to be able to just release all stress and emotion.

Most performance psychology careers require a masters or doctoral degree in clinical, counseling or sport psychology. It is even more impressive if the individual specialized in applied sport psychology, clinical sport psychology, and academic sport psychology.

With children and adolescent, I would lean towards developmental psychology. This is the study of human growth and development over the individual's lifespan. This growth includes all physical, cognitive, social, intellectual, personality and emotional growth.

To work in a developmental psychology field it is often that a doctoral degree is needed. This is often accomplished by following the steps through undergraduate in psychology then getting masters followed by a doctoral.

As a different field, I would choose social psychology. This is the study of social influences, social perception and social interaction that has influenced the individual and the individual's behavior. For a social psychology career a person usually gets their bachelor's degree in general psychology or another psychology related field. It is then often that these people go towards their master's or doctoral, which can take up to five years for completion.

When looking at social psychology fields, it is often seen in teaching or research at a college. Social psychologists can be seen as consultants and help evaluate programs in education, conflict resolution and protection. There is also working in different clinical fields such as group psychology in hospitals to rehabilitate people to get ready to live in the "real world" again.

People with these backgrounds have seemingly unlimited options, whether it be my child psychology degree or sports psychology. With child psychology, developmental psychology and social psychology, there is clinical work in doctors offices and hospitals, schools or other psychology offices (or even forming your own office). With sports psychology, they are usually around athletes, so this would be more looking at working in a university or for a professional team. When looking from my stand point though, I would be more wanting to form my own office and use sports psychology as a physical outlet.

I got into psychology as my study because I've always had a want to help others, especially children and teens. I have more of a focus on younger adults and children because I know, for myself, that I felt I wasn't listened to or that my opinion didn't matter. That was really hard and I would have given anything for someone to look at me and ask if I was okay, because after watching my mom get abused and my dad get abused, of course I was far from being okay. Though, I had no one to express this to since I knew my parents didn't want me to know what was going on, even though I did. Holding that up in myself was the hardest part because I felt like there was a huge weight and a huge secret on my shoulders. With this, I want to be that person, the person a child or teen can come to and let all their fears out and tell me what is going on from their perspective. To have that one person can change an entire individual's life, and I want to be that person."

Problem Solving paper for school

Problem Solving

"The main strategy that I used was trial and error in being able to get all the animals to the other side of the river. With using this, it made it really difficult and I had to keep track of everything that I had previously tried. I honestly didn't try another strategy in this problem solving situation since trial and error seemed like the best strategy. I chose this strategy because using trial and error means that there is room for mistake and redo along many different steps, the difficult part comes into remembering the steps until you figure it out.

With trial and error, you of course run in to a few different obstacles such as repeating mistakes or losing track of what worked. I ran into both of these. I would get far enough to having each animal on the opposite side of the river, but then I'd forget what steps had gotten me as close as I was before I got stuck. I also found myself taking steps that I had previously taken which I found didn't work.

This problem solving simulation only took me one try since I had previously done this exact one. The first time I tried to solve this problem though, it took me around seven to ten tries."  

Psychotherapies paper for school

Psychotherapy

"Psychoanalysis is usually seen as a person laying on the couch as their psychologist says "mhm, and how does that make you feel", or at least that's what most movies and TV shows portray. In actuality, psychoanalysis and psychotherapies can range in different treatments to get the best result. Psychotherapy is a psychological technique used to help positive changes in a person's adjustment, behavior and overall personality (Coon).

Interpersonal psychotherapy is usually used to help people, especially people who are suffering from depression, eating disorders, and have social phobias, to help improve their relationships, bonding and social skills with others around them.

Free association is saying whatever comes to mind. Often people don't say how they feel or what they think due to worry of consequences of what they have to say. With free association the person is to say whatever the would like without worrying about pain, embarrassment or being judged. This is to help the person lower their defenses and let their feelings show versus keeping them bottled up.

Dream analysis is pretty much as it sounds, dreams are often seen to be something that was on our mind heavily before we went to sleep, our "forbidden desires" and "unacceptable feelings" (Coon). Dream analysis can help the patient get past these desires and feelings by making the meaning and symbol obvious and attainable or to where they are no longer desired.

Two more are the analysis of resistance and the analysis of transference. The analysis of resistance is when a patient doesn't want or refuses - resists - talking about important topics and conflicts. This causes walls to be nearly impossible to knock down or get over causing the session to be hard to move and resolve. Analysis of transference is when a patient "transfers" their feelings and often sees their therapist as an important person from their past, which can bring up different feelings and conflicts in the patient.

Each form of psychotherapy is individual and often times, the same one wont work for everyone or every problem. Finding the right one is usually based more on the patient's problem and reactions or personality."

Conflict Paper for school

Conflict

"Conflict is something we see every day and experience it seem multiple times a day as human beings. Whether it be something small like where to eat or something large like a conflict in a relationship, it is still hard to see how to resolve the issue and get out alive to the other side of the seemingly dark tunnel.

But what is the cause of conflict, well, it varies. It can be due to competition, social dilemmas, perceived injustice, or one that is common in my life, perceptions. I know that a lot of people experience the conflict of perceived injustice, it seems I hear the words "this isn't fair" on a daily basis, and that is exactly what perceived injustice is. The funny thing to me is that the way to resolve it is yourself. The way you respond, act and hold yourself is going to affect how people respond, react and see you.

As for my biggest conflict: perceptions. There are many different types like misperception, mirror image perceptions and shifting perceptions. Misperception is when is seems that the actions or goals are unattainable and are usually caused by the root motive. Mirror Image perception is when the conflicts are mutual as is the misperceptions. And shifting perceptions is when the conflict seems to appear and disappear. The best solution to all those above is communication, whether it be within yourself to figure out the problem on your own side, or with the others involved to figure out the different motives."

Not okay

Hey all,
 so, I just need to come out and say it: I'm not doing so well, I'm really not okay. I had a check up to see how I was doing last week, and the doctor upped my dosage and expressed that she would like me on my depression/anxiety medications for at least a year and that really scares me. I don't know how I feel anymore, I don't know why I cry... and I don't understand why everything hurts. I feel so empty and like I just want to run away, but I'm stuck.
It seems that every glimpse of happiness that I barely see or that starts to bloom, I mess it up by being too scared or too busy. I feel like I can't catch a break or do anything right.
I'm really struggling and I'm really not okay at all.

I want to be.... but I'm not.
I broke down majorly today.... just started bawling and couldn't stop. I don't know why. Nothing really happened and not much is wrong, but I couldn't stop.
I'm tired of all of this. I'm tired of just always feeling like I'm standing on the edge and that I'm even alking on egg shells around myself. This isn't fun and I'm already tired of it...


I just want it to stop.

Attitudes paper for school

Attitudes

"We are each born as individuals, but where do we get our behaviors and attitudes from? Are they taught to us? Do we form them ourselves? Well, both are true. As children we learn things from our parents and everyone we are around. This is how we learn what facials to make to show that we are sad or happy, it is also how we learn to express each attitude we feel. We are more likely to show the same attitude traits as those we grew up around, especially our parents.

Then as we grow up and become more of ourselves as an individual, we take on other traits and form our own by altering the ones we were taught. These alterations can come from anything that we expose ourselves to, friends, television shows, movies, coworkers and music. Everything we expose ourselves to can have an affect on us an alter our attitudes or behaviors.

Especially who we surround ourselves with. It is seen that people take on the traits and attitudes of the people they are around, causing them to change based on the social circle they're in. I know that I, personally, will not speak the same way I speak around my friends as I do at work. Around my friends, I am making jokes left and right and am not in a professional attitude mind set at all. Obviously at work, I take on a more professional attitude and persona. Its putting on different hats and knowing when to wear each one.

The three main components of attitude are referenced as the ABC model of attitudes. A is affective component, B is behavioral and C is cognitive. Though this model is used frequently, there is evidence that the cognitive and affective components of behavior don't always match with the individual's personal behavior.

Affective component is the area that involves a person's feelings and emotions about the attitude object. This can be any emotional response: fear, sadness, happiness. This would be sentences like when you state what you're fearful of, like for me it would be "I'm scared of clowns".

Behavioral component is the attitude that influences how we act or behave. So, to tie that into the effective component, behavioral component is how we respond to our emotional response. If I were to see a clown, chances are that I would try to avoid it or walk by it quickly. This is part of the behavioral component.

The cognitive component is what the individual believes or their knowledge about the attitude objects. For my example it would be that I have had a bad experience with clowns, so that is why I'm scared of them.

Since our attitudes are related to our enduring of different things around us, how we feel, what we believe and how our behavior is developed towards social times, events or symbols - there is no questioning on why human behavior is such a complex topic. There are many levels of each emotion and different ways to express each, an not everyone expresses each the same."  

At peace

So, a few days ago, I had a spell where I felt depressed and anxious again. It made me realize how much I really dislike the place I have been for many months now.
So withdrawn... so alone.... so unhappy.
Well, for that day I just let myself be. I laid around with my puppy and watched Netflix. Just let myself breathe and be okay with being not alright.
I need to come to terms that this is another obstacle I need to get over, and its going to be hard and it wont go away because (unless this is a temporary state, like what I've read about in my texts books), I'll either have to be on medications for most of my life or I'll have to find another way to live with it without it controlling me.
That day I was having a really hard time not surrendering to the depression and the anxiety, but I spoke about it and was honest. I told everyone I came in contact with that I was feeling really uncomfortable, anxious and not well. It was nice that everyone, especially my amazing roommate, was so understanding.
The day after, I found a sense of peace. I finally started seeing the beauty in life again. The gorgeousness of a sunset with its pinks, oranges and purples. The amazing feeling that comes with laughing... and just breathing. I know this is going to be a struggle, and no, I'm not sure I'm ready to fight it yet. But I'm learning and I'm getting stronger. I realize that all of you, and everyone around me is just here to help, support and encourage... and I can not express how much that warms my heart and gives me strength.
I know I'll have my bad days, but I'm going to fight for the majority of the days to be good. I miss seeing the beauty and happiness in everything. I miss the joy and love that comes from not feeling alone... and better yet, I miss what it feels like to be truly happy.

So, thank you. For standing by me through this new stage in my life, for supporting me and for sending all those encouraging messages, comments and emails. You all are truly amazing. It means the world to me to know that I have such an amazing group of people who want me to win.

Keep smiling, everyone and enjoy the colors in this world. They truly are spectacular.

Quotes by me

So, I'm currently going through old blogs of mine, and I keep running across some things I've written that I want to remember, so here are quotes that I've personally used/created and said (this will be getting updated fairly often):


"If the sun wants to shine down while you cry, its your tears that are meant to dry. Tears fall to the ground and stains are left on your face but life is not meant to waste. Get up and go. It'll be harder if you keep moving slow. The slower the pace, the harder the race. Life is life, you just have to live it. Keep op the act, stay on the right track. You aren't meant to keep looking back. Life's ahead so that's where you look, can't close the iron covers of this book. You'll wish you could, with all your might but that is one thing that wont happen tonight. Share the smiles; laugh out loud. Its too late, can't fix it now."


"You're never too old to remember how things used to be and how things have changed. But always remember, its the people that stay in your life for so long that really deserve your time."

So,

So, my appointment was today with my doctor.
It was really hard because some of the questions they were asking, I didn't really want to answer.
I came to find out, I lost about 5 pounds... taking me down to 132.6 lbs. Not that it's an unhealthy weight, I just didn't need to lose any weight. I guess I hadn't really noticed that I haven't been eating all that much.
Anyway, my doctor said that I have high anxiety with acute depression.
We agreed that Lexapro (Escitalopram) would be the best medication for me since it is more centered around the anxiety versus the depression.
Though, I didn't really want this diagnosis, I feel proud because I was able to go in and explain my thoughts, feelings and symptoms without hesitation and state my guess on what it is. Due to my studies, I knew what medications she was talking about putting me on, and what the side effects are. So, I got to see that I really am learning different things in my studies. Super cool.
I go back in 4 weeks for a follow up to see how my body is responding to the Lexapro.
She said to watch out and really journal how I'm feeling so guess who will be writing more.
Thanks for all the support, you guys are truly awesome and the best support group anyone could ask for.

I'll be writing on the 4th of July, so keep an eye out.

I don't even know where to start....

Hey all,
oh jeez... I don't even know where to begin with this.
I guess.... from the beginning?
So, at age 12 (give or take), I was "diagnosed" with an emotional disorder called Hyper Sensitivity. Best way to describe it is how my doctors put it:

"A normal person's emotional levels run on a scale from 1 to 10, people with Hyper Sensitivity, well their emotional scale starts at about 100 and run off any possible scale to where we don't know the end"

Kinda cool, huh? No, that wasn't sarcastic.
Well, since I was "diagnosed" with that at a younger age, I've learned to live with it and overcome it for the most part.
You see, the reason why I was "diagnosed" was because I was missing a lot of school due to feeling sick, but the weird part was... I had no temperature. I had stomach aches, headaches, sore throat, sore muscles... EVERYTHING. But no temperature. I would miss weeks on end from school to where I had a nearly impossible time to keep up and catch up. Then that would stress me out and I would end up even worse off. I was in a never ending circle, and no one could figure out why or how to stop it.
So finally, my doctor had my mom take me to a psychologist and it was then that I found out about Hyper Sensitivity.
I would take all the negative things that were directed at me in such a way that it was tearing me apart. It would cause me to stress and feel very negative, then causing me to get sick. This could be anything from teachers being upset with me, fight with friends, bullies and arguments between family. Sometimes, the negativity didn't even have to be directed at me to make me feel like crap.
With the negativity causing me to sooner or later get sick, I would end up staying home from school. Well, then the school work would pile up since I had missed a day, or two... or four, so then I would feel stressed again, causing me to get sick... AGAIN!
Well, then I went to my awesome psychologist. He "diagnosed" me with Hyper Sensitivity. After more than a few sessions with him, I found out that my "disorder" was nothing to be ashamed of, and that I couldn't let it control me.
That is when I learned one of the best sayings:

"The world isn't going to change for me, I have to change the world I see".

Now, why do I put quotes around "diagnosed" and "disorder".
Well, that's simple.
You see, I don't think "diagnosed" is the right word. When people hear that word, it's usually a negative thing. Though my Hyper Sensitivity can effect me in negative ways, it doesn't always. I choose to see it as I was blessed with Hyper Sensitivity. It is in me to love all, trust all and help all. I am a happy person, loving person and care about people who I might not even know or ever meet. I am blessed to be able to feel such intense feelings towards others and myself. So, why would I put such a negative vibe towards such a positive attribute?
Then there's the word "disorder". Oh, how much I hate that word when it comes to my Hyper Sensitivity. By definition a disorder in medical terms is:

"a disruption of normal physical or mental functions; a disease or abnormal condition."

but am I not normal? Hmm, are any of us really normal?
Though I technically have an abnormal condition, I don't think it has taken a disruptive approach since I have learned what it is. I mean, yes, missing school was disruptive, but since about 6th or 7th grade when I found out about it, I haven't missed more school than the normal student. So, is my Hyper Sensitivity really that disruptive since I've acknowledged it? Meh, sometimes.
I'm not going to lie, there are still times when it gets the better of me and I do still get sick. But nothing like I used to now that I know why I'm sick and how to handle it.
Okay, so with all that aside, lets talk about what's been going on lately.
I haven't been feeling well the last few months.
At first I thought it was my Hyper Sensitivity, but even with giving it my all, I couldn't get on top of the gross feeling that I was having. So I continued on with life as if nothing was wrong.
Then it seemed to get worse. I started not wanting to do anything, see anyone or eat. I was perfectly content laying in bed, sleeping and doing nothing for days. So, I thought that maybe I was experiencing a depressive state. So, I started going out and doing things that made me happy. Those would help, but weren't a cure... then things got worse.
The past few months I've had random spurts of stomach pain. Not just any pain though, it will come on suddenly, and though I have no idea what it feels like to be stabbed with a butcher knife, I'm going to say it felt like that. It hurt and would cause me to keel over in pain. Nothing would help. I tried hot baths, Epsom salt baths,  drinking more water, Tylenol and even mydol (to rule out girly problems). Nothing, the pain would just lessen as days went by of me doing nothing but laying in bed.
Then, imagine, things got even worse.
You know that feeling where it feels like you're so on edge that it feels every possible thing will make you start to cry. Yeah, that's where I am.
I haven't felt okay in weeks and its gotten to the point where the smallest complication just makes me start crying. That's when I figured out what's been going on, or at least my best guess...

anxiety.

I knew I had anxiety, but nothing as extreme as what I've been feeling currently.
So, I try to do things for myself, like get my nails done and go dancing to help, and it does temporarily.
I thought I could handle it, but then today it got even worse. How?

Right?!

I didn't think it could either.
Well, I had plans this evening since work had told me that I didn't have to go in. I started getting ready to go out and enjoy myself. Then I got a call... it was my work and my boss decided that I did need to come in. Well, that's the fourth time this has happened when I've tried to go do something that is going to help me feel better. So, of course, I start crying... then the stomach pain starts, then a new symptom... I started vomiting. Sorry, graphic, I know... but I don't know any other words to make it less disgusting.
Guess I really do have too much on my plate for once... I'm constantly stressed, tired and on the go. I feel guilty for taking a day or two to relax because I know that there are things that need to be done.
Now that I've put my body, mind and soul/heart through all this, I finally swallowed my fear and scheduled a doctors appointment for next Wednesday.
I'm scared because I don't know what is going to happen or what is going to be said. I'm scared because if I get put on medication, there's going to be that long battle of figuring out which one I'm not allergic to.
I know I have written many papers on anxiety, I've studied it enough it school to where I could probably write my own reference book. But that almost makes it worse. I know the different outcome options and treatments, I know that this could be temporary, or life long. And that scares me.
I try so hard to keep myself going, keep others going, and to not let anyone down or have a reason to be disappointed in me... but now I've come to a road block and I'm not sure I currently have the strength to get over it. I know I will, but right now it just looks daunting.
I'm going to my doctors appointment at 2:30 on Wednesday. I need to figure this out and get on top of this. Because just like my Hyper Sensitivity... I can't let this control me.
Past that, I don't even know what to say other than... please, send positive thoughts, and love my way. I really could use them right now.

Sorry

Hey readers, sorry I've been a bad blogger. I'll write another blog later today explaining where I've been, but for now, here's one of my psychology papers:

"When looking back on the last nine weeks in this course, I don't feel that anything has really affected my personal sexual decision making. I feel like I still make decisions now the same as I did before the course. Something that this course did help with is helped me understand others' points of views and their choices of their own sexuality, whether it be their sexual identity or their sex life.

Before the course, I was very confident that I was straight, was confident in who I choose to be in a relationship with and even more confident in my choices when it comes to having a sex life. If anything, this course just made me feel stronger about my decisions because I now know that there are different studies that support what I chose.

I now see the struggles that others can possibly go through though. I've never had to be stricken with fear that I was no longer going to be accepted for who I am because of who I was attracted to or because of my gender identity. I can't imagine the fear and stress that some people go through in fear that their parents, family and friends are no longer going to love them.

I think that my environment has probably been the biggest deciding factor on my sexuality if anything other than just going with what felt natural to me. I grew up in a very religious family so that kind of shapes my entire sexual identity and choices when it comes to sex in general. My family doesn't really approve of homosexuality or sex before marriage. Though they know that sex is a natural thing and that it is seeming unrealistic to wait until after marriage, they are still highly of the opinion to wait (if not until married) as long as you can. With this, I feel that even if I were a lesbian or bisexual, I wouldn't feel that it would be a welcomed lifestyle due to my family. I don't really think that is why I'm straight since I don't find myself attracted to women, but I can say that it would be a factor if I weren't straight.

Like some of the course, it talks about the building of sexual relationships and sexual identity all through growing up, starting at infancy. I would say that I found this topic really interesting because I don't really know how I developed my gender identity. It was just natural. Ever since preschool, I've loved having attention from boys and I loved wearing dresses and feeling like a princess. I feel that really hasn't changed much, other than the fact that I now know being a woman doesn't just mean looking pretty, it is also empowering and that I'm strong. Due to different role models, I know that I have the power within myself to be able to have what I want, all I have to do is work for it.

Looking at my love life is where I really see how I've been affected by my family and my past. Due to seeing many abusive relationships, I find it hard to trust or be close to anyone. I grew up seeing that no matter how strong the love is, guys always leave. Obviously, my parents weren't great role models for me to look at when it came to relationships or love. My parents divorced when I was one, so I didn't even really grow up with love being shown towards significant others. After that, both of my parents were in “toxic” relationships, full of lies, abuse and people getting hurt. With this, as growing up and starting to date once in high school, I was never really upset when a relationship ended. I was almost always attracted to the guys where you knew they would leave the second a better offer came up. Sadly though, at the same time, I thought abuse was normal. I knew physical abuse wasn't okay and never tolerated such, but mental and emotional abuse were normal. I was always of the opinion that it was my fault anyway and that I was the one who needed fixed.

I played into it, and put up many walls because I didn't see a point, since according to my past, they were going to leave anyway. The funny thing is, I have a huge heart and welcome everyone inside it with open arms. I love everyone until I'm shown that I can't or shouldn't. Sometimes this got me into more trouble than I feel it should have. This led me down a really dark and lonely path, I felt like I wasn't attractive to anyone and that I was alone with no one to turn to. I felt like I wasn't able to be loved.

Now, I'm in the healthiest relationship I have ever been in and its going on two years. I have been open about my past with him and he understands when I pull away. He stays and shows me he is here for me by literally staying next to me. I feel that I have grown in my ability to love because I now see what love is and how it really should be. No verbal abuse, no physical abuse and no mental abuse. Just respect and adoration. Growing with each other and accepting each others flaws. I have never felt so safe or comfortable with a guy until now. The thought of being alone or left never crosses my mind anymore.

There are two courses that were close to home in this course, and with that, it was hard to get through them, but I was really proud of myself that I did. Those topics being abortion and abuse. Both of these topics relate to my life, not because of me personally in sorts, but because of people in my life. I have seen a friend through an abortion and it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I can't imagine how hard it was and always will be for her. The topic in this course was interesting because of reading the different things that people can go through mentally and emotionally.

As for the abuse topic, sadly this one does include me. I have seen both of my parents be in abusive relationships, and some of those included my parents' significant others abusing my sister and I, emotionally, physically and mentally. I wish I had known what I could have done, even as a young child to have stopped the abuse. I was scared to tell anyone because these were my step-parents. To my knowledge they were supposed to love me, but I now know that I still had every right to protect myself. Seeing the different things and now knowing that it is a legal matter is interesting because its something I wish I had known, as well as things I share with others who I know aren't in the best relationships.

I, myself, was even in an emotionally abusive relationship. And the knowledge that I let myself be in that situation for as long as I did is still discouraging, and though the relationship was almost three years ago, I still beat myself up over it and even worse, still blame myself for it happening. Almost to the point where I can reason with it having happened, making it okay, which it isn't. Reading the different things that are out there to help people who have been victim of abuse really interested me because it made me realize that if there are that many options for recovery, then I'm obviously not alone in this pain, self-blame and self-hate. I have started talking to people about what I went through and it really is helping.

The biggest thing I will take away from this course is the things I can share with others. With wanting to be in child and family services, knowing the different signs to look for when looking for abusive situations, whether it be in the kid or the parents. I'll also be able to share the different ways they can get help for themselves. This also goes for gender identity and relationships. If I have a patient come in who is struggling with their gender identity, I know things that I can now share and hopefully it will help. I also now have stepping stones to being able to help people in relationships and wanting to make their relationships stronger. Though I don't feel this course helped me personally at this time, I think it will help me in the long run in what I want to do as a career and it has also helped me by giving me knowledge for things that could happen in the future and helping me prepare for those unpredictable items and life events."

Sad to admit that I am not mature enough for this class (Don't read if uncomfortable about sex, nothing raunchy, just a paper I wrote for school)

Hey all, so I'm in my new courses at school and the one I'm having a hard time with is sexual psychology. I can talk about sex and all just fine, but once I have to read and write about it, it all goes down hill. I start laughing or blush. Well, I just wrote my first paper, and well... my teacher said to put personality into it:

"The Sperm and the Egg

      Through time and space, dark paths and unknown destinations, the egg and sperm make their way to find true love. Battling each other, mucus and hoping to bump into each other in the end. Eggs and sperm lifespan are totally separate from each other, until, obviously, they meet and get to know each other a bit. The eggs of a woman are produced in the ovaries, lets say that this is their “home”. A female is born with about 2 million eggs (also known as ova), this is the most she will ever have in her life and only about 400,000 eggs will survive puberty and have the chance to meet “the one”. On the other hand, men constantly produce sperm throughout the man's life though the quality dissipates with age or even frequency of how often the man ejaculates.

      Now, lets go back to the egg, about once a month, due to a woman's menstrual cycle, a single egg is evicted from her home cycle, she travels from her home (one of the ovaries) and goes through the tunnel – the adjoining fallopian tube- to the female's uterus. It is in the fallopian tube where the egg decides to hang out for a little bit, rest. Here she waits, in hopes that soon her dream sperm will come and break down her walls. After a day or two, she starts to feel stood up and gets a little annoyed, so she then decides to finish traveling to the uterus and then escapes out of the uterus by the cervix. She doesn't have forever, you know.

Looking back to see what the sperm has in store for this long journey ahead. Unlike the independent egg, these guys tend to travel in groups seeing as a man can ejaculate about one and a half to one teaspoon every time. Smart to travel in a pack, since once they are out of their home ship, the waters are unknown, dark and a bit of a tough journey, little do they know they'll be fighting each other in the end. The sperm's man cave is in a coiled tube called the epididymis and from there they travel the vas deferens while mixing with other fluids that are made by the prostate gland and seminal vesicle. The sperm then goes along the urethra and ends at the tip of the man's penis, though if there is sexual intercourse happening when these guys decide to make their trip, they are then passed into the female's vagina in hopes to swoon and win over the lady egg, who has been (possibly, if the timing is write) in the uterus. Only one of the semen, that is making up the sperm, is needed to win over the egg, fertilize her and then make a baby.

      When the sperm leave the man's penis and enter the woman's vagina, each of them knows that it's a hit or miss situation. Either the wanted lady egg will be there, or they missed their chance. If she is waiting there, its a battle to the death and only one will win.

      With that in mind, the sperm work their way through the cervical canal, into the uterine cavity and on to the fallopian tubes. Only five hundred sperm reach this destination of their journey, others give up and dissipate, obviously not strong enough for the journey and battle that awaited them. Then its the fight to be the one sperm that is able to sweep the egg off her feet and fertilize her. Hundreds compete, only one will win.

      Once fertilization of the egg starts, the egg beings to grow by dividing into two cells, then four, and so on and so forth. As this new couple divides and conquers, it travels along the woman's fallopian tube to the uterus where it makes a comfortable home in the uterine lining as an embryo, which will then grow into a child.

      The first meeting between the victorious sperm and the lonely egg occur in the outer part of the female's fallopian tube. Once the sperm wins over the egg, the sperm releases a substance that allows him to break through the egg's outer layers that keep her protected. Once the two get close enough, each provide have of the genetic information and code that is needed to make up a new child."

Long time no see

Hey all,
Sorry I haven't been here but life kinda exploded.... again.
So, my mom and I kept fighting and it was really starting to just kill me because there is nothing I want more than to have the relationship my sister and mom have. Well, I know now that it wont ever happen because, well, lets face it... I'm not my sister.
With that, I started looking at apartments for my dog and I to move into. That didn't happen. Instead, my mom moved out and in with her new (and amazingly nice) boyfriend. I now have the master bedroom in the house I grew up in which is what I thought I was going to have for the last year and half.
So, needless to say, I've been moving my things and packing certain things away which has been insanely hectic and really rather emotional. I've been in the bedroom that I'm moving out of since I was 8, it holds a lot to me so leaving it has been a huge process.
I've also been working my butt off at work and trying to get in there as much as I can by covering other's shifts and showing the boss that I'm reliable by showing up insanely early for my own shifts. I've only been late once at the fault of my computer.
My dad and I have been getting along really well, which is nice... weird, but nice. His wife and I are on good terms as well, to the point where I'll sometimes even refer to her as my "step mom". WEIRD!
School is going really well, I was on a two week break for Christmas and New Years which was much needed, and I talked to my adviser yesterday and found out that I'm three months closer to being done with my first degree than what I thought. :)

Again, sorry that I've been MIA, but I'm back again... finally. I've missed writing and my "blog family".

Hope you guys are having a great first month of the new year.