Merry Christmas

 Me last year (2013)

So, I don't know if I just have a lot to say or just have a lot to think. But it is at this time, that I remember exactly what I was doing and what was going on in my life a year ago.
A year ago, I thought I was the happiest I could be. I was in a relationship I had waited to be in since Sophomore year, and had been in said relationship for a year. I had my dad, my mom and a wonderful friend base. I was trying to fit into my (at that time) boyfriend's families by showing up to all the dinners.  No seriously, I think I had more Christmas dinners last year that I have in my life! It was crazy. Anyway... I was in school and had just started my great job at Pier 1. My (at that time) boyfriend and I had started talking about moving in together...
and then there's now. I lived with that boyfriend, and as most know now, it didn't work out. We broke up after being together for two years and one month. Now, we don't even speak when he used to be one of my best friends, even before we dated.

I'm still at Pier 1 and love every second of it, though I seem to complain a lot, but if I let on to how much I love it there.... who knows what would happen. I got truck lead, which might not mean much, but it means the world to me. 

I have an awesome boyfriend, though the relationship is still super new, I can say that he makes me smile way more than I'm used to and it's great. We have just as much fun and smiles staying in and relaxing as we do going out to movie or food. We're both going through a lot right now, and I don't know about him, but it feels better knowing that I have someone there to talk to or not talk to and just have my world be okay for a little bit.

I'm currently taking a break from school, but I'm working on transferring so I'm hoping that will be a positive move forward as well.
I've made a lot of new, life long friends and let go of some negative people from my past. I've mended some relationships, and cut ties with others. All in all, the biggest thing I've seen is my how much my confidence has increased in the last few months. 

In the middle of this last year, I got diagnosed with high anxiety and acute depression. I was scared to death. That's stuff that I study, I know it can be a lifetime thing, or can last as short as a few days. Though I still suffer from both, my episodes are few and far between. I went from never wanting to get out of bed, to enjoying being around people again. I've seen such a huge growth in myself in the last year, and I didn't realize that until tonight. 

I've taken back control of my life and have refocused on what my true goals are rather than basing them off of others' fears, wants and needs. 

I have a trip to Vegas starting to be planned, and am so excited to go back. 

My mom was gracious enough to let me stay in the house for this last year, while I got back on my feet, and when she brought up me moving, I freaked out because I felt uncomfortable and like I couldn't do it. But as I look around, I know I can. I'm back on my feet, and my mom sees that, and that's something for her and I to be proud of. She raised a very strong daughter and I'm so thankful that she did.
My parents and I have gotten closer over this last year as well. My mom and I have had our times but I stopped having the "running away" feeling and my dad and I talk every week rather than talking, fighting and not talking for months at a time.

So, for this Christmas, I would say that I'm thankful for all the stepping stones I've taken, all the wrong turns I've turned, all the signs that I missed and best yet... the fact that I've overcome most of them and have become who I am now. I couldn't have done it without any of you, and trust me, I'm thankful. 

Me this year (2014)

Now, I'm going to stop being sappy, finish baking my chocolate chip cookies for Santa and then go to bed.
Merry Christmas, everyone. Rather than concentrating on the negative, notice the positive, at least for today.
My mom always had me wiggle my pinky finger, and asked if that hurt.... since it never did naturally (unless I had previously sprained it) she would say "then it's going to be a good day" and the funny thing, it is just that easy. Choose to have a wonderful day today, consider it a Christmas gift to me, if you must.
Happy holidays. :)











 And the biggest change this year, I went from having one tattoo to two, plus got my butterfly colored in!!