How's it going?

So, I am into week 8 of 9 in my classes.
Foundations of Personal Finance: 93.6%
Introduction to University Studies: 94.25%

I feel awesome due to this. Next week is finals, then I have a few weeks off before I start my next set which is Principles of Health and Wellness and University Composition and Communication 1. I'm rather excited, though I have had some major complications. Hopefully all of those got worked out though.


As for a more personal level:
Life has been strange. I am still moving back to Medford, but it might end up just being for the summer. I have a boyfriend now, he lives in Eugene (he isn't the reason I would move back here) and his name is James. We started dating on the 11th, and honestly, he is the most amazing guy I can ever imagine. He is 22 and I don't know. Everything just clicks with him and I.
The story is: Sophie and I went to Sharis one night and James was our waiter, I thought he was really cute and just charming, so I wrote my number on a napkin. Never heard from him. But anytime I went back, I thought of him. Then on the 10th, Sophie, Patrick and I went on a late night Sharis run, and from the car we saw that he was there. It wasn't till I noticed that he kept looking at me that I decided to leave my number one more time, this time he text me. We hung out the next day and everything just clicked.
I told him that I'll be moving back to Medford for the summer, and he understood. We're going to make it work.
Today will actually be the first day this week that I haven't seen him.

So now, I'm waiting for it to be about 5:50 or so, 'cause I'm going out to Dorena to stay the night at Sophie's dad's house out in the country. I really need to just escape and not be easily accessed. I need time to talk to Soph and just not have the distraction of everything else in the world. I'm excited, though I wont like not being able to talk to James. Lol.

Great... all my dreams keep going up in flames.

So you know how I said a few days ago that it seemed everything was falling into place with school: scratch that. I got a call today with my adviser mad at me because now I have to get two papers signed by my father or else I can't do my next set of classes that starts on the 25th.
Why does it seem like once I finally start getting what I want it all goes up in flames?! I honestly feel like I'm just not meant to do this anymore, I'm so tired of getting torn apart time after time. I know, whatever, "it's part of life" but seriously?! My dream was to become an amazing dance teacher like the one I had, then I get injured and am forced to quit school due to it. After I move away from a town I had fallen in love with I find out that there is now this large sum of money that I owe.
Then I get stuck living in a town I hate and can't wait to get out of, but I figured I should be the optimist that I am and figure out ways to make it better so I get jobs that I adore and I get back into school for a degree that I have a new found passion for: psychology.
I was finally doing well in school, and now I'm practically being forced to take a leave of absence because I can't get two papers signed by my dad before my classes start.
It isn't my fault that I'm broke and don't have a printer and scanner, nor is it my fault that my dad isn't tech savvy enough to have his own computer, printer and scanner. Why am I the one being punished for this?! Why can't I finally just be in school and getting a degree?! Am I not supposed to? Am I just supposed to give up at this point, because one more push towards that cliff and I'll cry Uncle and give up.
I feel crushed. I feel torn apart. and worse, when I tried to talk to my mom about it, all I could feel was like she was blaming me for this.
I don't have the time to go down to the library and figure out how to do all of this crap, nor do I even know where a library is in this stupid town. I don't have the money to go get a printer and scanner. I don't have anything to where I can do this myself and I'm sorry for that but it isn't my fault.
But I sure feel like it is....

I Am A Dancer

Oh my goodness, I'm seriously about to cry right now. After a hard day at work, I went and checked the mail. I got a letter from my student loan stuff saying that it has finally gone through that I am a student everything is in order for me to get my loans and scholarships. Then there was also a letter from World Poetry Movement. My poem "I'm A Dancer" has been selected for the International Open Poetry Contest, I am now a semi-finalist. It has also been selected to be published in the book Stars In Our Hearts, if I give permission.
Then to add on to the great news, my financial adviser from Phoenix called and everything is finally in order so that the school can now receive my scholarships.
I am seriously rather close to tears right now.




"I am a dancer.
I wonder what the audience sees.
I hear my cue to come on stage.
I see my partner in the other wings.
I want that trophy and applause.
I am a dancer.
I pretend that I can dance when I'm hurt.
I feel the spotlight on my face.
I touch the stage with my toes.
I worry about messing up.
I cry when I feel like I'm the reason.
I am a dancer.
I understand stage directions.
I say I can do it all.
I dream about taking that stage.
I try to not fall.
I hope my instructors are proud.
I am a dancer. "

I wrote this poem a long time ago, and I turned it in to a writing contest. I am now a semi finalist. This is insane.

More than half way done with the first round

Out of my nine weeks in my first set of classes, I just finished week five. I can't believe I've already been back in school for over a month.
I also can't believe how well it is going. In my Foundations of Personal Finance class I have a 94.38% and in my Introduction to University Studies I have a 93.1%.
I know people belittle online schooling by a lot, saying it is easier than an on campus school, but you know what... I have now experienced both. And they are equal to each other.
While at UNLV, yes, I had more classes but I also lived on campus so that there was something there that made me feel the need to go to class. With Phoenix, it is dependent on me. I have to make myself sit down and clock my hours and do my work. The work is the same, the grading is the same. Only difference is that one I can do at home or anywhere I can take my laptop where the other I have to get my butt out of bed and attend a class.
This isn't saying that online is a lot easier, in fact it is more challenging for me, which is probably why I am doing so much better at it. I have to make time to do my work and participate. There is nothing that makes me go to class, except me. I know it is my responsibility to sign on and get the work done.
I'm more than half way done with my first set of classes and I'm beyond nervous to see where all of this goes.
I'm going to be emailing my adviser and asking her to switch my degree to my Bachelors rather than an Associates. I feel like this is a smart move, but I think it's going to be really stressful.

Almost home.

So, today, well... technically yesterday... everything in the apartment finally just snapped.
You see, I clean a lot. I will never say that I'm the only one who does stuff, but I do clean a lot. I clean the kitchen from top to bottom, the living room, bathroom and my room. While cleaning, I tend to clean up after my roommates, and I have been feeling taken advantage of for the last few months while doing this. So today, I have decided to pick up after myself, and myself only. I have been doing only my dishes and putting them in the dishwasher, and have only been picking up my things and putting them where they belong.
Now, I don't mind cleaning, I enjoy it actually. But once I start getting treated like these boy's mothers/maid, I draw the line. When it is expected of me to clean all the time, I'm not going to do it. I am not dating these boys, they don't pay me to clean and I am not their mother, so I've decided I'm done. They need to grow up. I will admit, they do sometimes do the dishes. But I haven't seen them get down on their hands and knees and scrub the floor, walls, counters and stove top. Heck! I've even cleaned the burners and inside the oven a few times!
So to add to this, one of them decided to start talking about me to one of his friends and saying how he hates when I "get like this". By "get like this", the only thing that has changed is that I'm done acting like it's okay that they are walking all over me. I've finally stood up and put my foot down. He doesn't like it. Boo-hoo. He also made the comment that he is the only one who does the dishes in this house.
So, needless to say, I got mad. Grabbed my friend and we went for a long drive. Found ourselves chilling in the parking lot of the mall while I vented and talked to a few friends who I needed to hear from and then we drove for a little more before I came home. I now have this friend on stand by so that she knows if I call her at night, it means I'm coming over.
This isn't a healthy living situation at all, I don't even feel safe or comfortable in my own apartment unless I'm in my room with my door locked. This is pathetic. I feel beaten, I feel bruised, but I will not let him tear me down. I have done that for too many years now, and I'm done with it. I don't deserve it.

Expect the unexpected and don't close any doors.

So, you wanna know what's nice? Hearing that I'm nice, sweet, cute, beautiful and amazing. I've been told this every day for almost the past week, and I'm starting to believe it.
I think the best part of this has to do with the title of this blog, so here's the explanation:
Those of you who read this who knew me in high school know that I wasn't popular or the prettiest, but I didn't care. I had a great group of friends and was usually dating someone who didn't go to our school (I.E Adam, Derrik, Scott). Now, though it didn't bother me to not be popular, it doesn't mean I didn't wonder what it would be like. To have everyone think you were pretty and to date whoever you wanted. Sure, I was curious but I was still happy with what I had and who I was.
Now, I've been out of high school for 2 years and I kinda reconnected with a guy who went to high school with me. We've been hitting it off and we're starting to like each other. He's been the one telling me that I'm beautiful and sweet and everything.
The funny thing is, in high school, he was part of that "popular" crowd.
I still don't know how I feel about this. We're going to hang out next time I'm in town, and thought it is 18 days away, I'm beyond nervous.
He is nothing like what I expected someone who belonged to that crowd to be. He's actually really sweet. I can't decide what to do. I'm so confused because I never expected something like this to happen in my life.

Week one: down for the count! Winner: CARLY *and the crowd goes wild!!*

So, I completed my first week of University of Phoenix on Sunday. I got a 97/100 in one of my classes and still awaiting to hear about my second.
So far, I am loving being back in school, though it kinda sucks not being like IN a school. The downfalls of online schooling, I guess. But I am still seeing where it is just going to benefit me in the long run. I mean for one, most people there are a bit older than me and I don't really have to worry about hanging out with my "school friends" which gives me more time to get stuff done.

On a personal level of life:
Ben and I aren't really talking much. He has a girlfriend now, and he had to choose between her or me. Obviously he chose her. It's whatever.
I'm still planning on moving back to my hometown in a month or two. Devin is possibly going to be one of my roommates which could either be good or bad. Only time will tell.
I have an interest in a guy that I graduated high school with, and honestly never thought I would ever have a chance with. But we talk daily and he's actually really sweet and finds me pretty.
So, life is going to get interesting here soon. A lot is going to be happening, and lets just hope that I can keep up.

Keep reading, I'll be posting weekly at least!