No, of course you don't, but here you are so now you'll get a glimpse.
These last few days have been a roller coaster from my emotions and I finally had enough. I am a teacher, so I am "laid off" during the month of August. The start of this roller coaster: I tried to apply for unemployment yesterday
(again, thinking it would be different since I have a different employer than I did last time)
and was pretty much told "no" because I'd have to have my previous employer on it as well...
which, if you read my post "Rant", you'd know why this isn't an option.
So, that hit hard because unless my friends have need for a babysitter, or I get any photography gigs, I will not have any income for the month of August.
I cried because that is really daunting and hard to swallow with not knowing how I will be paying my bills for an entire month.
I cried because I've been feeling like I keep falling down and when I finally feel like I'm able to start standing up, something or someone comes and pushes me back down... then while I'm down, I continuously get kicked. I feel beaten, bruised and battered to a pulp.
I just want something good to happen.
I just want a break.
Then today, I was expecting to receive my new fridge
after waiting for a month since my old one died
YAY for renting from a company....
I'm still not a happy camper about it.
then when the place who was supposed to be delivering the fridge was called this morning, they said they had absolutely no record of a fridge being delivered today or in the near future. Since this has been a chore and a half to even get a fridge ordered, this didn't surprise me so we made plans to go out and run a few errands. This sounded great since I had been home most of the week with being off of work.
Once it was time to start getting ready,
we got a call about our fridge getting delivered around 1pm.
Yay, for finally having a new fridge, but my mind had already accepted that we weren't getting it today and had moved on to being excited about getting out of the house, of which my mind was now processing as
not going to happen
so I broke. I didn't cry again which was nice, but I had to escape. I ended up in my bed upstairs. I couldn't process it anymore. There was too much up and down for my mind to process as quickly as it was happening and it was causing my anxiety to go insane.
In the end, we still had time to go out and run errands plus we have a new fridge so it all worked out but at the time, my mind wasn't seeing clearly so I broke. I shut down, I needed a break away from the world. My body, heart and mind hurt which can start to cause it to actually hurt. I got a stomach ache almost instantly, and my body has been hurting and aching to the point where I can't get comfortable.
This is just a peak into how silly my anxiety can be and it is escalated due to my HSP so it feels so much worse.
I end up feeling crazy, absolutely insane...
once I process and come back to the real world that is.
I'm doing better, and I'm going to keep moving forward.
It was a rough patch.
August is going to be good.
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