September 30th, 2010: Done

So I'm done with this city,
this city that is all change...
building torn down to build new ones,
acts coming and going.
Sex, drugs, money.
I'm done with what this city has done to me,
I've lost myself in this city...
this city of lost souls.
We all lose ourselves here,
trying to make ourselves be the "city".
We move for change,
we move for distance...
we move to start a new.
We don't move to change ourselves,
we don't move to distance ourselves from who we are,
and starting a new doesn't mean starting with a new us.
We are supposed to change our outlook on life, our surroundings and what we do,
we distance ourselves from unsolveable problems and people,
we are supposed to start a new life.

I am going to make a change for this city,
I'm going to change the city by staying true to myself.
I know who I am,
I know how I grew up...
and I know now how everyone wants me to be.
I, honestly, haven't been me since the first week I've been here for the most part.
I wanted friends,
so I changed how I was...
which grew into changed who I am.
I'm done.
I'm done acting,
and trying to please everyone else.


I'm done not being me.



So next year it is for sure that I shall be moving to California, and going to Humboldt. It feels right.