Miniature break down...oops

So, what do I do now? I went to see my psychologist today because I felt like it was finally time to get rid of the negative thoughts and nightmares that have joined me since my accident. At the end of the session, he asked if I could see if my boyfriend would come with me because he seems to be the best positive thing I have going on in my life.
I knew Gabe would say no to being there for when my psychologist talks to me about the decisions I have to make. But like I told him today, in one way or another, everyone leaves me out to hang and more often than not... its when I need them the most.
Hasn't that been true my entire life though? Mom being busy, dad being preoccupied with work and his bitchy girlfriends... my sister with school and friends. It left me to figure all this out on my own. Shouldn't I be used to it by now? Why aren't I used to feeling like I'm left to doing things on my own? Figuring everything out on my own.
I knew my boyfriend would say that he had to think about it, and that I would take it as a now. I based if off of the fact that my dad didn't go when I was young. Sad thing is that I was right. I didn't want to be right, but I knew I was going to be.
It sucks though because it makes me feel like he can't handle it. I mean, I held in all the tears that are being shed right now until after he left because I'm not confident that he can deal with the emotional side of all of this.
And that sucks because emotions are all that I am. I know that's my fault and what not. I mean according to everyone else, its all in my control.
There it is again. Being left to figure all this out on my own. If its so controllable, then please enlighten me on how you would handle emotions a thousand times stronger than average thanks to a disorder.
Let's exchange lives, bodies, minds and souls for a minute, K? Take a walk in my shoes and lets see how well you handle it. I'll place a hundred dollars on saying that you can't! That you aren't strong enough.




Sorry for all of this readers. I have an emotional disorder. I had learned enough about it to live with it and not let it control me, but since my accident it has gotten out of control again, hence why I am going back to my psychologist. It hurts because people tell me that its all in my head when it really isn't. and tonight having flashbacks of when my dad refused to go with me the first time I went to psychology, due to my boyfriend now pretty much saying no really threw me into a tail spin. I'll be better though. :)
Sorry for the mini break down.