Why am I expected to be okay with everything that is going on? Is it such a bad thing that I'm not? I have a ton of things going on that I have no other option than to be okay with it but when I'm not okay with just one thing it stresses others out or makes them uncomfortable.
I'm 20 years old and haven't lived under a parent's reign for 2 years. Why should I be okay with being back? I'm dealing with it and that's as good as I can do. I am sorry if that isn't good enough for you but it's rude to ask for more than what I am capable of.
The real reason I even moved back was because I'm scared to death. I know I can't fail very easily here. I have safety nets and padding all around me. I can't fall here. Where as, if I go somewhere I want to and feel like I belong... I'm vulnerable. I could and would fail at least once in everything I tried. I already have but for where I want my life to go next... failing is my biggest fear.
I want to leave Oregon and never turn back. Last time I left with baggage that brought me back, the next time I leave... I want it to be with no regrets. I know I am not at that point yet... which is why I haven't left. As proof of how I know I can't leave without regrets: as I sit out in my driveway writing this... I keep stopping to look down the street in hopes that I see his truck....
Too bad there's no such thing as a "dream come true".
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