Too tired

(Written at 12pm)
      I feel like there is no winning... and I'm tired of trying to fight. People wondered why I was such a "door mat" back in school and its a simple answer: why fight when there's no point.
      I hardly ever get listened to... its always an argument. Sometimes I just want to explain myself or voice an idea or opinion without getting ripped to shreds. Very few people let me do that. None of which I'm related to, one of which gets paid to.
      Its hard to have the will to fight but get knocked down before I even stand up. I get told to "grow up" and to be "independent" but every time I attempt to show that those are two things that I already am, I'm not good enough.

(Written at 4pm)

      Under watchful eyes I wilt and wither. Craving for sunlight and oxygen.

Room to grow.

But under these shelters and wings, I'm stifled and suffocated. But told to blossom without the rays of sun for encouragement. 

"Be free"

I hear as I get held back.
"Stand up for yourself"

they say while stomping me to the ground.

Under watchful eyes I wilt and wither. Waiting for someone to believe in me enough to pick me and take me some place new.
Under these shelters and wings I'm stifled and suffocated, fighting my hardest to get a gasp of fresh air. I try to grow but get pushed down.

This isn't me.

I'm a flower under a tree, shading my beauty from the world... only getting sunlight when the time is convenient... only get a few drops of rain that are left from the storm.
My roots are planted but by nature, not choice.
I'm a flower, waiting to get saved... moved to new soil. But no one sees me behind this tree that's shading me, keeping me from growing...

stifling

suffocating

wilting 

withering.

Trying my hardest to stand tall till my nest turn in the sun. Trying to keep up hope but its fading in this shade. I just need someone to believe in me, some words of encouragement that I wont be stuck in this shade forever.

But I'm scared...

because,

Winter is on its way.