What the ever living $%^# am I doing?

I don't even know what I am doing anymore. Nothing I try to do goes right, I destroy lives of those around me and I make everyone absolutely miserable. I have lost my love and passion for everything - photography, dance, writing, drawing... literally everything. And I can tell that I am slowly ruining my marriage, and we haven't even been married a year, so that's fun. My life is exploding and I'm imploding. I wish I wasn't here... I wish I could just go away so that everything would be better for everyone I care about. I know I'm a burden, I know I'm useless since I don't help in any way shape or form... and I know that I am never good enough. I am always second choice. My heart hurts right now. I lost where I used to dance, I've lost my confidence and I'm slowly losing everything that means anything to me. I am being pushed out of my job - whether intentional or not, I don't know. I don't talk to my mom or sister anymore. And I have totally destroyed my husband's life. He doesn't talk to any of his family, he's lost all of his friends and it is all because of me. I am the only one to blame, and I know that. Everyone tries to tell me differently, but I know better. I'm toxic. I've been told that my entire life. I take things for granted until they have nothing left to give. Why am I even still here?