Stomach turning, throat closing, head pounding and tears flowing.
Crap, it's coming back.
This sickness,
the depression...
This stupid disorder.
Affecting me, making me sick.
Can't stop it, can't change it.
It just happens.
Feels horrible but it's reality.
Something I have to deal with when it comes back around.
Don't let anyone help.
Close up in myself.
Don't touch me, don't ask, don't care.
Makes me feel worse, but only way I can think to not let it effect others.
Act happy, though my eyes say differently.
Ha!
Rarely anyone cares enough to read my full expression.
They see smile so 'yay she's happy.'
They don't look to see if my eyes reflect happiness or not.
To see if they are holding back tears or fighting hurt.
Rarely, rarely...
does anyone care enough to notice...
or have enough time to care or stop being distracted to notice that I'm hurting.
Get distant, rarely talk, no eye contact made.
Avoid it all, society.
Rarely eat, say I'm full.
Wont eat if I'm not forced.
No one will know but me.
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