So, again, I've been MIA but it seems like this will explain a bit of why:
oh jeez, where to start... I guess from the beginning, best way to say it is to just come out with it, right? Well, Gabe and I broke up about three weeks ago now.
I expected to be totally torn and broken upon this happening, but I think mentally and emotionally Gabe and I broke up a long time ago. I feel like I've already gone through the break up feelings. If I were to be totally honest, I'd say I've felt like we broke up back in July. I was just so desperate to not lose him and to make it work that I did everything I could to make it last. Needless to say, it wasn't healthy for either of us.
But I'm okay.
The part that hurts is that he didn't even fight for me. The exact opposite actually. He started lies and rumors about me, and who knows how many people he spread them to, or even how long he has been doing it. I found out because my wonderful roommates filled me in.
I'm so thankful to have them and know that we all got each other's backs.
Its sad to say, but I'm happier without Gabe being around. I loved him with all of my heart, I truly did, but I'm not noticing the huge red flags that were screaming that we never would have lasted that dream "forever". And after all that he's done since we broke up, I'm wondering if he ever really, honestly and truly cared for me or if I as just convenient. It sucks to question that, but I am.
Since he's moved out, there's music playing in my house again and I'm able to breathe without feeling suffocated. I'm not sick as much and I'm not as reliant on my depression medications as I was.
I know it seems fast, but please remember how long Gabe and I have been distant: I have started seeing another guy, his name is Zach. He has really shown me how I deserve to be treated. He brings me flowers all the time and constantly tells me I'm pretty. He holds me tight and there's a look in his eyes that I never saw in Gabe's. I'm not moving too fast after two years with Gabe... I'm moving on with my life. Gabe helped me learn a lot, and I really needed that. But now, I need someone who lets me be me and helps me rather than tears me down.
I think I have that now in Zach, but I'm not jumping into anything. I will always love Gabe, and he has been a huge part of my life, but I guess it was just time to move on.
