"Relationships
The three
dimensions of love are passion, intimacy and commitment. Passion
would more relate to a strong emotion, physiological arousal and is
used a lot when referring to sexual desire and/or attraction.
Intimacy is more concerned with affection and concern for a
significant others' well being. Commitment is the choice between two
individuals that they are fully dedicated to the relationship through
thick and thin.
According to Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love, each of these dimensions work together to form different levels of love. Passion and commitment would be fatuous love and only passion would make for an infatuated love. Infatuated love would be more like the love that is felt between “friends with benefits” because there isn't any intimacy or commitment to the relationship, but there is a lot of passion. Where as fatuous love would be a lot like a first “puppy love” experience in high school.
If a relationship only has commitment, it is considered an empty love. These types of loves are the ones that are often seen as “dead” relationships.
According to Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love, each of these dimensions work together to form different levels of love. Passion and commitment would be fatuous love and only passion would make for an infatuated love. Infatuated love would be more like the love that is felt between “friends with benefits” because there isn't any intimacy or commitment to the relationship, but there is a lot of passion. Where as fatuous love would be a lot like a first “puppy love” experience in high school.
If a relationship only has commitment, it is considered an empty love. These types of loves are the ones that are often seen as “dead” relationships.
If all
three dimensions are put into one, it is consummate love (or complete
love). This is the most desired form of love but also the hardest to
sustain. I see this love as being the kind that people envy from
movies. Where it is enough just to be in the same room as the person
an individual is “madly in love with” and their entire day is
better. Sternberg's theory as to why this love is hard to sustain is
simply because it is possible that any of the dimensions can decrease
over time. People can “fall out of love” with each other. Though
it is still possible to keep consummate love in tact, it is proven by
the couples that we see celebrating their 40th, 50th,
60th (etc) wedding anniversary together. I feel it would
just take a true commitment for consummate love to pan out, because
with that commitment of “death do us part” comes a sense of
honesty, trust and loyalty. That no matter what life throws at the
couple, or the individuals involved, that they will overcome each
obstacle hand in hand. That they will be honest with each other and
fight till they reach an understanding.
I feel
that people's attachment styles affect the types of love
relationships because of how people mesh and work together. If you
put an overly attached girl with a guy who likes his “me” or
“guy” time, obviously that isn't going to work well. If an
individual is looking for the life long love that is said to come
with consummate love, and they are attracted to someone who only
wants infatuated love, again it is rather obvious that it isn't going
to work out, would probably get classified as empty love and will
probably end rather quick. With one person wanting only passion and
the other wanting commitment along with passion, the two individuals
wont be on the same playing field or see eye to eye on things since
they want and expect two different things from the relationship.
I also
feel that attachment styles can be altered by life experiences. If a
girl has grown up with a single mom but has seen guys come and go, I
could see where her trusting a guy to stick around with her and fully
commit to a relationship would be really scary and she wouldn't trust
it. This would make it difficult to really commit to a relationship
because the trust is not there or being shown. Same goes for a guy,
if he has seen women come and go or has been taught to see women in a
negative light, a relationship probably isn't as appealing. On the
other hand, if an individual (guy or girl) grew up in a very loving
home where love was shown and seen, then chances are, the individual
might want that in their own life and seek that later on when they
are ready.
In order
for two people to be able to work together, there needs to be a
common base with how they feel. I think a love can start as fatuous
love and grow into consummate love with time and getting to know the
individuals that are involved. Growing in love, I think, is a healthy
stand point. The best relationships I have seen between two people
didn't just magically happen like what is seen in movies. They first
started as friends, built a strong foundation and then grew and
worked from there.
As it
says in our text, “an
ideal lover was rated high on all three components; friendship was
rated high on intimacy and commitment, but low on passion; and a
sibling relationship scored high on commitment, but low on intimacy
and passion.” I feel that this shows what I had said that if people
want different things, that they simply wont mesh together to make a
strong relationship or love.
As
a personal example, in high school, I thought I was madly in love
with my best friend so one day I told him that I really liked him. He
told me that he saw me more as a sister. If we had tried dating under
those pretenses and knowing that we didn't feel the same, it would
not have been fair to us and it would have been an empty love with no
emotion. I would have strained myself and worked really hard to get
him to feel the same, and his emotions towards me probably wouldn't
have changed. Whereas, if we both felt that “puppy love” spark,
there would have been a reason to at least try for a small
relationship because we would have had a common base to work off of
rather than just one person being into the relationship.
In
order to have that “death do us part” love, there needs to be an
even playing field and the two individuals seeing eye to eye. Willing
to commit and work with each other and tying in the characteristics
of intimate relationships that were brought up by Miller, Perlman and
Brehm. I feel like the six characteristics (knowledge, trust, caring,
interdependence, mutuality and commitment) are the perfect things to
have as the foundation of consummate love.
In my opinion, to truly and fully love another- you have to understand each other, trust each other that they wont get hurt, care for each other, let their lives become one and have the intent to stay together through every obstacle big or small. With tying these into Sternberg's theory, it makes consummate love seem a little more real rather than something that we will always just see in movies."
In my opinion, to truly and fully love another- you have to understand each other, trust each other that they wont get hurt, care for each other, let their lives become one and have the intent to stay together through every obstacle big or small. With tying these into Sternberg's theory, it makes consummate love seem a little more real rather than something that we will always just see in movies."
