January 31st, 2011: East Main?

 So today I ran errands around Medford and Central Point.
I had to:

•  Drop off something for my mom
• Go to the bank
• Go to the mall and spend my rebate that expires tomorrow
• Get Dutch Bros

Funny thing is; while I was trying to drop off the package for my mom, I got lost. I should have known where this street was, because it is East Main... but yet, I passed it somehow and ended up all the way on the other side of town. So I got back into the right side of town, retried... and failed so I decided I was going to go to the closest Dutch Bros. (for those who don't know what Dutch Bros. or DB is... its a coffee stand that was started in Grants Pass, Oregon and its my favorite coffee stand). I know where every DB is in this town (and many others) so I get there, look at the street sign and guess what?! Its on East Main! I started laughing so hard.
So that was my adventure today.

January 31st, 2011: Uh oh...

So, readers... imagine that, I'm writing one day after another..
but seriously readers,
I think I'm in trouble.
You see, there's this guy...
I know, I know this isn't about college... but still its about my life while I'm in college is it not?
Anyway, I've known this guy for a few years... and I liked him back in high school... but we didn't really talk much.
Now we talk a lot...
and you see readers:
this is why I'm in trouble!
Every guy that I've seriously like...
I mean EVERY (ex: Devin, and Adam) guy...
any time I talk to them, not face to face (so via text, phone, IM)...
I find myself biting my lip.
And here I am,
talking to this guy...
and...
worst part is...
I'm biting my lip...
Can you say....

Uh-oh

January 30th, 2011: Wonder Wonder Humma Dooma....

Sometimes I wonder, wonder why the seasons change just to repeat the same pattern later. Why a human can fall in love when it’s destined with someone getting hurt, whether by death or break up. Why music effects people’s emotions. Why no matter how pretty a person is, they always can find a flaw in themselves and want to find a way to change it. Why people like to write in pencil, is it just so they can erase their mistakes? Why girls crave guys, and guys just toy with girls emotions.

I always wonder why… the human kind will never make sense to me, that’s for sure. I am a part of the human race, and I don’t even understand myself. I confuse myself on a daily basis. I’m curious why I can’t concentrate long, or why when someone hurts me I can’t look them in the eyes. Why I have very selective hearing…

and why I can never feel like a piece of my writing...
is done.

January 30th, 2011: Oops back to 10

So, I haven't written for 10 days...
and the most of this is because of the fact that I feel close to breaking down.
I'm looking for a job,
trying to deal with money,
dealing with guys,
trying to get into school in September,
STILL trying to sort out everything with UNLV,
pack up my room at my mom's,
and still trying to keep my passion in dance.
I'm trying to do all of this without just totally breaking down.
This is rather difficult...
'cause there's a huge gap in my support system...
and I don't know who to fill it with....
So I'm sorry for not writing as much,
I just don't want to be the writer who only writes negative things.
Thanks for sticking with me readers, it means a lot.

January 20th, 2011: Getting better, it's only been 6 days instead of 7

So here's the apparently weekly update:
Yesterday was so great,
I heard back from a job about being a kids nanny, and then I was able to get my transcripts from UNLV and apply to Humboldt for next year. I'm excited to start working. I'll be even more excited if I get accepted into Humboldt.
Today: there isn't anything all that interesting, so far I've gotten dressed and did my hair and make up.
Sorry it isn't more interesting.
I'll try to make something happen so I can come back and update this later.

January 14th, 2011: Should update more often...

So I think I need to update this more often, even though I'm not in school.
I am still in Eugene, and it has been decided that I probably wont be attending school this term because of the mess up with my transcripts.
Now the plan is work work work until next fall when I transfer to Humboldt state.

So now I am looking for one or two jobs... I have a few interviews to schedule (if the people ever call me back), and for sure need the money.

This weekend I'm heading off to Washington with Mat and his mom to watch Mat bowl. It should be interesting/fun.
So yeah, that's everything new, wish it was more exciting than that... but hey, not every day can be exciting right?

January 7th, 2011: My dream last night

My dream last night was too good to not share:


So Mat, Bridgette, a guy named Phillipe and I were in a really REALLY nice hotel room. My dog (Victor, who is a Chihuahua) was there and Phillipe's Great Dane (Maxwell) was there.
So while Mat, Bridgette, Phillipe and I were laying on the couches my dog had a random spaz attack and pounced at each one of us, at this we all started to laugh. Then Maxwell sneezes! Scares Victor like no other, but instead of jumping he pounces at Maxwell.
Since Maxwell is like 984,703,479 sizes bigger than my dog, he just looks down at Victor and might as well have rolled his eyes. At this my dog pounces and then bounces up so he's standing on his back legs.
All of us are watching this and dying laughing. My dog goes back down to all fours and RUNS at Maxwell, then we watch in the mirror and see my dog practically fly through the air. We here Maxwell growl and then Maxwell runs by us, WITH MY DOG RIDING ON HIS BACK AS IF HE WERE A HORSE!
Like my dog had his paws on Maxwell's head and was just chilling up there as Maxwell was freaking out!

This was my dream last night....

January 6th, 2011: So yeah, I guess...

So its been brought up...
Why aren't I dancing?

I'll be honest, but yet I wont speak the words.
So yeah, I guess...
I'm scared.
Maybe the people at UNLV were right,
maybe I'm not good enough.
What if I'm working this hard,
and wont go anywhere with it?
I don't think I'm that great of a dancer...
No one has ever said I'm good...
So yeah, I guess...
I'm terrified.

January 3rd, 2011: I am a dancer.

I am a dancer.
I wonder what the audience sees.
I hear my cue to come on stage.
I see my partner in the other wings.
I want that trophy and applause.
I am a dancer.
I pretend that I can dance when I'm hurt.
I feel the spotlight on my face.
I touch the stage with my toes.
I worry about messing up.
I cry when I feel like I'm the reason.
I am a dancer.
I understand stage directions.
I say I can do it all.
I dream about taking that stage.
I try to not fall.
I hope my instructors are proud.
I am a dancer.